Today the famous Dr. #Anthony #Fauci announced a new collaborative project that will strike a blow at the heart of the #COVID-19 virus. Honest Times White House corespondent, Purdy Mauth, got the exclusive interview.
"Dr Fauci, thanks for your time today. I'd like to know more about your successful project. Can you give our readers an in-depth understanding, while still keeping it in layman's terms, what you're working on?"
"I sure can, Purdy. It's not really that complicated of a concept. I'll start at the beginning. You see, many people do not know this, but I am a huge fan of The #Transformers movies. I've always been impressed with the giant robots and how they talk and interact with one another. They truly are nearly human like."
"Sorry Dr. Fauci, I don't mean to interrupt, but what does the Transformers have to do with a successful COVID-19 cure."
"That's a perfectly logical question to ask", said the scratchy voiced Fauci. He continued, "I really admire #Optimus #Prime, and that's when it hit me. He doesn't have a jaw or nose. Instead, he has a robotic mandible-like device where his jaw is located. My next thought was a bit radical, but...We're going to remove the human nose and jaw, and replace it with Optimus Prime's mandible-like jaw nose combination."
"Dr. Fauci let me get this straight. Do you want to operate on every human in the United States and replace their jaw and nose with Optimus Prime's. Did I just sum that up correctly?"
"Yep, pretty much, but not just in the #USA, it is a global initiative. Ya see, this is where the "real" partnership kicks in. I needed a partner who is on the bleeding edge of bio-tech science, and has a boat load of money. That's when I reached out to the founder of Microsoft, none other than Bill #Gates. Bill is my liaison to #Microsoft who will be making the mandible and nose air filtration system."
Below photo: Mock-up of the new Device
"Hold on, I have so many questions to ask I don't even know where to start. How do you eat?"
"Oh....That's where Bill really helped on the project. It's a 3-way partnership, or as the French like to call it 'ménage a trois', with #Monsanto. Monsanto owns the patents on nearly every food you can imagine. Because they basically own all the Genetically Modified food, they will be making several flavorful pastes that can directly be injected through a 100% hermetically sealed port on the robotic mandible. This is going to be really great."
"Dr, wait...hold up. I'm...uhh. Let me get this straight, you, Bill Gates and Monsanto want to make a robotic Go-Bots like mandible, and....
Fauci interrupted, "Oh God NO! NOT Go-Bots. Go-Bots suck! Optimus Prime is a Transformer. Didn't you learn your history in school?" Then he muttered under his breath, "These kids, boy I tell ya, they are something else" as he pouted and folded his arms while he showed dismay on his face as he looked up to space.
"Sorry, TRANSFORMERS...and replace every human's jaw and nose. How would you be able to control your voice, or breathing? How would you taste anything? Dr Fauci, you have to kidding me...right?"
"Look, I'm a Doctor. When it comes to making money, there is no 'kidding around'. What's the first part of Microsoft...Micro. Bill is going to make a microchip that gets implanted into your brain. It's going to relay to the manidble what you want to say, and the breathing part, that's just your body activating a physical connection for breathing. It will have a Covid-proof air filter that never has be changed. It's all very safe. Trust me, I'm a Doctor."
"Wait...", Purdy taking in some deep breaths then continued, "so...have you tested this yet? Are there any side effects?"
"Of course we have tested it, Purdy. We have been running clinical trials for the last 3 months. And, once we fix that lil' bug in the microchip, it will be ready to roll out, then I'm going to be stinking rich." Fauci then went into a dream like state, wistfully staring into the heavens and whispered to himself, "I'm going to finally get a yacht the size of Bill's and it's going to be loaded with tons of naked women. Tall, Swedish, gorgeous, naked women. YES. Then we can finally be rid of #Trump"
"Ahhhhh, by the way, Dr. Fauci. What's this bug in the micro chip?"
Faucci: "Oh it's just a silly little thing. The chip blocks #MSNBC from brainwashing people. Oh no. Did I just use my outside voice again?"
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