Toobin ‘Hard Up', Receives Job Offer as Adult Star

Did you even bother to look at my name...you know...the name of the reporter.... Come on, MAN!!!

Toobin was #Zoom calling with CNN's Fredo Cuomo. The call had ended, or so #Toobin thought. Toobin was 'blind' to the large flashing green dot next to his chat #cam. #Cuomo began to lift weights, then looked up when he heard a moan, and was greeted by Toobin pleasuring him self. At which point Lil' Fredo began to follow suit. "We call him Lil' Fredo cause after all the steriods he uses it shrank his...well...go you know, you know the thing", said Toobin in a Biden like voice.

“Oh NO!”, said Toobin. “You saw that? Did the camera make it look any bigger?”

We reached out to CNN, the “Most Trusted Name in News” for comment. “He wasn't #masturbating, he was merely having a #seizure... specifically with one hand... over and over... until he got all the poison out“, said co-worker Wolf Blitzer. "I mean, what guy doesn't suffer from a little case of E.S.B (Excess Sperm Build-up)." Toobin was supposed to be the moderator for the fourth and final match between Biden and Trump, as Toobin is well known in 'circle jerks' as a master debateor", continued #Blitzer.

At this point, Toobin thought his TV/Journalism career was all but done, till he received an offer from an unlikely company. Fabian Thylmann, owner of the world‘s largest adult website, PornHub, called Toobin and offered him $500,000 to make a single video. “I seen a lot of crazy $h!t, but I’ve never seen a dongle that looks like his”, said Thylmann.

Example photo of what PornHub wants to do to Toobin

“The offer 'came' at a great time“, Toobin told HonestTimes. “All I have to do is the same thing I did during my mishap Zoom call, while they squirt milk out of a bottle into my face and I scream over and over, ‘I’m a good little cuckold Daddy’. Suddenly, an idea struck me. I’m about to tell you the best idea to ever ‘cum’ from my mouth.

I thought, ’Hey why should humiliate myself and only get paid for a single money shot, when I can humiliate myself over and over’ for more money? I did it with #CNN for years, why not keep doing it. With the help of my closest friends, Harvey #Weinstein, Congressman Anthony #Weiner, Governor Jim #McGreevey, and the man I admire most, President Bill #Clinton, we are going pool our money together to start our own adult website.

“What are you going to call it”, I asked?

”YouToobin!

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